A New Reason
by Snuffle's Girl86
Summary: AU, Takes place after OotP. Remus Lupin, last of four friends who were once completely dependant on eachother. What, now, does he have to live for? Eventual RLOC, my first Fic. Please let me know how it is!
1. The End at the Beginning

**A/N: 'ello! This is my first FanFic, so please tell me if you like it or not. I hope you enjoy!**

A Reason to Live

Remus's heart froze in his chest as he watched the fall. "No, Sirius!" He heard Harry scream as Sirius's shocked face slid behind the veil. Time seemed to stop at that moment. Everyone disappeared except for that black cloth which seemed to embrace Sirius as he fell through it. Remus felt himself empty of emotion it drained out of him. His head was blank except for one word, alone. He was alone. Again. It seemed to echo in his mind. Bouncing off his skull as if looking for escape. He was alone.

And then he was moving. The black cloud that had descended on the room had lifted. Remus turned and caught a sprinting Harry.

"He's gone Harry." He intoned without emotion. Later that night was the time for breakdowns. Remus tried to hang on to the shreds of his control.

Remus was shaking from the effort of holding Harry back. The boy seemed to want to run head long into the curtain after Sirius. He pulled Harry up and to the back of the grey stone room.

That's when the others in the room burst into action. Remus whipped around to try and catch Bellatrix as she cackled and ran out of the room. When he turned back around to try and consol Harry, the boy had disappeared. Remus really began to panic now. The threads of control he had gathered early were beginning to slip through his fingers.

Order members dashed in frantic sprints up the stairs. Remus felt his knees give under the weight of his emotions. The adrenoline fading out of his system, his control seemed to go with it. Remus felt strong hands grab at his armpits and he look up into the face of Kinsley.

"Leave me! Find Harry!" he managed to croak out.

Kingsley gave him a hesitant glance before turning and sprinting out through the door. His last means of support gone, Remus felt the cold stone slide along his back as his legs crumpled under him. The sobs racked his body and echoed through the now empty chamber. Doubled-over he laid his forehead on the gritty cold floor, tears streaming down his face. All control thrown to the wind, the chamber seemed to ring with his cries.

„NO!" The word was ripped from his ragged throat.

Finally the chamber began to quiet as Remus tightened the grip on his control. Pulling himself up from the floor, he stood. His clothes ragged, the lines on his too old face like deep gouges, he was beaten. With a last glance at the veil that took his last reminants of happiness, Remus turned and walked out of the chamber with a resigned determination. He went to do what he had planned on 14 years ago.

**--- I know this ends on a sort of cliffhanger, but what can I say, I want you to keep reading so I thought it might be good to add a bit of suspense!—S.G.**


	2. New Faces

**A/N: I know the first chapter was short so I thought I would add the next couple up so people could see what it like! –S.G**

Katie St. George sighed as the final customer left the shop, loaded down with books. She eased her 33 year old feet out of her sneakers muttering "I'm getting to old for this job."

Chuckling came from behind her as a knarled old man hobbled out of the back room.

"If you're too old for this job, there's no hope for me!"

Katie smiled up at the old man from the overstuffed sofa she sat on.

"Oh Mr. Reynolds you'll never be to old for this shop, you love it to much."

He beamed down at her, slowly shaking his head."How many times have I told you! It's John now. You're not a little girl anymore. You basically run this shop!"

She looked at him sheeplishly replying "Sorry, old habits dye hard."

She shurgged her shoulders. She would never be able to see him as anything other than Mr. Reynolds. Katie leaned back into the comfort of her memories. This store was the one constant in her ever changing childhood. Her mother had tried but she just wasn't cut out for parenthood. Constantly on the move, jumping from one apartment to the next, one boyfriend to another. Katie's childhood was filled up with a hodgepodge of others lives. Her past she had always described as a highway. People got on at one point and off at another. Never staying for a long drive. Except for Mr. Reynolds and this book shop. They had always been there.

And now that she was on her own, Mr. Rey- correction John had offered her a job. She knew even though he didn't say it that she was being trained as his replacement once he retired. Leaning against the soft cushions she felt perfectly content. She couldn't imagine a better job, than working in this shop with the books she used as replacement for friends.

A thump chased away her thoughts and she raised her eyes to see John putting the a new delievery on the shelfs. Amused she laughed softly at seeing the old man so excited.

"Mr. Reynolds can I help?"

There was no answer from the old man whose eyes were glued to the book.

"Mr. Reynolds?" she spoke louder hoping to catch his attention.

"OH, Kay!" (he always called her Kay when he was excited)"It's the new Habaferd!"

His eyes locked with hers and she felt heart fill with love when she saw the youthful glow in them.

"But that wasn't suppose to come in until next month!" She was excited now as well.

"Oh yes, but I'm good friends with the author and he sent me a few early copies!" His voice was becoming more high-pitched than usual, a genuine sign of his excitement.

"I'll stay and help you put them on the shelves."

„NO, Kay you've down enough today, you haven't eaten since breakfast! Go get something, the books will be here tomorrow."

It was then she realized just how hungry she really was. She nodded and turned to grab her things. Glancing out the window as passed, she groaned. Raining would not be a proper word for what it was doing outside. Monsooning would be better. As a born Londoner, Katie was used to the rain, but this shocked even her. Grumbling she grabbed her coat and keys and proceeded out into the downpour. Within 2 blocks she was drenched."At least it's not windy" she muttered.

The Mexican restaurant she was addicted to was only three more blocks.'Screw it I'm running' never one to care about appearance or manners Katie sprinted the next block and a half. As she rounded the last corner, her body smacked into what felt like a brick wall. She landed in a puddle, all pretence of keeping at least remotely dry was gone.

"I am so sorry." She stammared squinting into the night. After trying and failing to make out what or who she ran into she stood up.

‚Oh don't worry about it, I'm fine" replied a gravelly voice

The voice stepped into the light and Katie got a much better look at the owner. Katie surveyed the damage she had done. He was soaked from shoulder length brown, tinged grey hair, all the way down to his well worn shoes. He appeared to be in his mid-30s and handsome except for the deep worry lines that graced his face. Ignoring the fact that he was wearing extremely weird clothing, a robe type thing, she moved forward.

„Look at the mess that I made! I was just trying to get out of the rain to get something to eat."

**I hope you like Katie…I'm rather fond of her. Please don't forget to review because that's the only way I know if you like it or hate it. Cheers! –S.G.**


	3. More Than It Seems

**A/N: The Plot thickens…..as always, your reviews are welcome and wanted. I want to here what you think!**

Remus watched as the pretty women who had just slammed into him contiuned to talk. Always feeling that silence was his best option with women, he let her contiune without inturrption. She was rather attractive, and obviously muggle from the clothes she was wearing. Her clothes seemed to be just as soaked as his were, except that it made hers skin tight, something he was trying his best not to notice. She had long black hair and an aristocractic face, except for the smattering of freckles on her nose and tops of her cheeks. It was then that he realized not only had he been staring, but also that she had stopped talking a while ago.

„Are you quite sure you're alright? I'm not excatly a pixie I could have hurt you." she gazed at him concern clearly written in her face.

It was so obvious that she was genuinely worried that Remus felt himself blush.

„I'm fine really. Enjoy your dinner"

With that he sidestepped her and contiuned walking.

Katie watched as the strange man disappeared around the corner. ‚Well that was weird' she thought as her stomach gave a might rumble. ‚Dinner at last!" she thought as she finally reached the restaurant. Through out dinner she could not stop thinking about the strange man and what he was doing out in the pouring rain.

After leaving the restaurant full to bursting Katie made her way back to her apartment. She lived in a small loft only a few buildings down from her bookshop. As she passed the corner where the strange incounter with the man had occured, her eye caught something gold glinting on the ground.

After leaning down to pick it up and she found that it was a ring. A nice ring at that. It was gold with a giant H in the middle surrounded by four animals. It looked like a crest of some sort." Well this is weird" thought Katie

Inspecting the ring further she found that the inside was engraved, it said_ To Moony, Mauraders Forever, WPP_

„I wonder whose it is?" Katie spoke aloud.

To her complete surprise a voice answered "Whose what is? What have you got there Kay?"

Katie whipped around at the sound of the voice and almost smacked into Mr. Reynolds.

"A ring, I just found it lying in the street."

"Can I see it?"

"Of course" Said Katie as she handed over the ring."You know I think I've seen that ring before, I think it's like one my mother kept. It's kind of a keep sake from my real father."

Mr. Reynolds looked at her in surprise." Your father had a ring like this?"

"Yes I believe so. Why do you look surprised?"

"Well" John replied hesitantly, glancing at Katie in a calculated way "I know where this ring is from. It's the graduation ring from a boarding school in Scotland."

" How do you know about a school in scotland?"

" I'm an alum." John replied calmly " The headmaster and I are old friends. I'll call him and see if he can make anything out of the inscription.

"OH I never knew you went to a school in Scotland!" Katie replied, she had thought she knew everything about Mr. Reynolds, having known him her whole life.

"It was a very long time ago. I was just a boy!"

**--Hmmm is the story getting anymore interesting? I hope so! Please let me know! –S.G.**


	4. A Discussion

John walked Katie back to her apartment and bid her goodnight. As he strolled back to the bookshop he pondered the new revelations that had presented themselves to him. If Katie's father had a Hogwarts ring that that would make him a wizard and her a witch, an untrained one. Plus why was there a wizard in this muggle part of London? He, himself, had moved here when he had discovered his love for muggle literature. Although many in the Wizarding World did not approve of muggles and did not appreciate all they had to offer. Those were dark times though, Grindwalde was at large and growing more powerful. It was not safe to be a openly muggle-loving wizard. After Dumbledore had destroyed the movement, he had become so used to being in the muggle world that he had no desire to reintigrate himself.

Shaking his head to get rid of the memories, John refocused on the problem at hand. He must get to Dumbledore and have a talk. How could he have missed that Katie was a witch? Her mother must not have known. His steps quickened as he got closer to the shop.

He lived right above his bookshop in an apartment that fit him nicely. It had a master bedroom, a small kitchen, a cozy study with tons of book shelves and large reading chairs, and also an extra guest suit in the back.

As he reached his apartment he went straight to the fireplace and grabbed some floo powder. He threw it into the flames. As they turned bright green he said very clearly "Albus Dumbledore's office, Hogwarts"

Albus' long beard and sparkling eyes appeared in the fireplace, framed by the mantle.

"Hello John, To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"

John smiled down at the wizened wizard, "Hello Albus, I'll get straight to the point as I expect your busy, you always are."

"I always have time for old friends, John! Plus I need the break." He let out a large sigh, his face relaxed as he let the breath out.

"Well Albus, do you remember Katie St. George?"

" Black hair? Works for you? I believe you basicly raised her, of course I remember her, well from when she was very little." Came the reply

"Yes, well I didn't raise her, you know I just took a liking to her. Anyway I was curious did she ever receive a Hogwarts letter?"

Dumbledore's eyes opened in surprise," A Hogwart's letter? I don't believe so, I thought you said she was a muggle?"

"Just as I suspected. Very interesting. This does complicate matters."

"John if you be so kind as to enlighten me?"

"oh sorry Albus, yes I had always thought that she was a muggle, until today. She found a ring on the street, a Hogwarts graduation ring. She said that it reminded her of a keepsake her mother had kept that had belonged to her father."

This time Dumbledore's eyebrows dissappeared into his white hair. "Oh my, that is not good to hear." He rested the palm of his hands above his eyes, a rare moment of weakness. "Are you positive? Have you seen the ring in question? Do you know who the father was?"

John shook his head, trying to answer the rapid fire questions. "No, I'm not sure. I have not seen the ring. I don't know who her father was. In fact, she doesn't even know. Her mother had told her he was in the muggle military, he left even before she had been born."

Dumbledore took off his glasses to rub his eyes before he spoke, "Ok, well lets handle this one step at a time. I'll speak to Minerva, she handles all the Hogwart's letters. You should see if Katie still has the ring, get a good look at it. Also probe her about her father. See if she has any other facts that her mother told her. Anything would help narrow down the search. The main thing is secrecy. She should not be told about our world until it is absolutely necessary. We have to be sure."

"I understand of course," nodded John. "Also I have with me the ring that trigger all this. I was hoping you could help return it to it's owner. There is an inscription that might help you locate him."

Dumbledore looked expectantly at John as he read the inscription

"_To Moony, Mauraders forever, WPP"_

Dumbledore's face contracted this time into a look of confusion. His hand stroking his beard in thought. "Why that's Remus Lupin's ring. He shouldn't be over in your part of town. He had told me he was going on sabatical, to a summer home. I'll track him down and send him your way."

John smiled, "Alright send him over. We've got some great books Albus. You really should come by for tea."

"Ah John, I wish I could but your comment earlier was not far from the truth, I do not have much spare time. I am truly sorry, our talks were always stimulating. I will however contact you soon regarding Katie."

As Dumbledore's tired face dissappeared from the fireplace, John leaned back and settled into his chair. Dumbledore had looked worn down, he was getting older, but as was John. "I bet running a school, and getting hammered with owls from the Ministry of Magic everyday was difficult to deal with" He muttered. It wasn't just Dumbledore that trouble John however. What would happen to Katie if she turned out to be an untrained witch? She was much to old to attend Hogwarts. He was to busy to teacher her, even if he was qualified. With all these thoughts flowing through his head John relaxed for a long night of thought.

**Reviews are always welcome!-S.G**


	5. The Constants of Life

Remus shivered as he reached the dark alley way. The cold rain had soaked threw his thin, well worn coat and was running in freezing rivers down his back. Leaning back against the brick wall, it felt as if the world was pushing down on him. Despiration had made him run, and he had run, away from everthing that had reminded him of the past and the future. Remus tilted his head back letting the rain fall on his face. He wasn't used to feeling selfish. At the moment, however, that was all he could feel. Why was he forced to have such a hard life? What had he done to deserve this? Not only was he something that people feared and hated, a monster, not only had he lost all of his friends, brothers, in one foul swoop, but the one time when his life began to look up. Sirius was innocent, they were reunited, broken, but still together. Even that had been taken from him.

The guilt from Sirius' death hung over him like an umbrella. If he had been stronger, sterner, he could have stopped Sirius from coming. He could have held him back. Tears began streaming down his face, mingling with the rain. Remus slid down to the alley floor, no longer caring about his robes. What he really wanted, what he pleaded for was to join his friends again.

Harry didn't really need him, he had Dumbledore and the Weaseleys. They protected and cared for him better than anything Remus could do. The only thing that kept him from the final plunge was the hypocrasy of it all. That despite the hard times and the ridicule he had plugged through it. The fact that if he did do it, many would be happy. He could see the head line now "**_Finally another werewolf offs himself, why don't the rest just follow his lead?_**" chuckling darkly Remus grimiced. What was he supposed to do? "Padfoot, Prongs" his rusty voice called into the night, "How am I supposed to go on?" Leaning back against the wet brick sighing at the silence. He had been half hoping for an answer.

And then a voice replied "well Remus, you breath. In and out. You keep living."

Remus shot to his feet as if a metal pole was down his spine. Using his keen eyesight he scanned the alleyway. Unable to see who to speaker was he called out, "Who's there? Show yourself!"

Albus Dumbledore stepped lightly out of the shadows, the twinkle notable absent from his eyes. "What happened to the sabatical Remus?" he spoke quietly

Turning away from the concern filled eyes, Remus spoke to the rain instead. "It was too hard to be in the house. So many memories, I thought the hustle and bustle of London would help " He lied, badly. Sighing Remus shifted his glance back to Dumbledore's aged face, the shadows throwing it into relief.

"Why Remus? I know your life is not easy, I know this loss is one on a pile of many, but there are still those who care about you Kingsley, Tonks, the Weaseleys, Harry. They all need you. Life hasn't ended with Sirius' death." Dumbledore had a pleading note in his voice that Remus hadn't ever heard before. "I have no right to ask for forgiveness, I did not ask Harry to give it and I will not ask you too. I am a man Remus, I do make mistakes."

Remus looked in shock at Dumbledore. This was not what he had expected. Dumbledore asking, no _not_ asking for forgiveness.

"Albus, I don't want or deserve your apology. If Sirius' death (he choked out the word) was anyone's fault it was mine. Our places should be reversed." Remus shook his head and continued with bitterness, "Plus I haven't done anything."

Dumbledore's eyes closed for a long moment. "Remus, listen to what I am saying. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Sirius' death is not worth this! He would have wanted you to live, love, to keep going. You know that."

Remus nodded, "I know, they would all have wanted me to live. It is just hard to find something to live for, when everything that I have ever loved, or loved me has either been killed or has run away screaming when they found out what I am."

Dumbledore walked forward, grabbing Remus' face so their eyes locked. "Remus I cannot let you go through with this. Not only would it kill Harry, but I don't think I could take it either. I cared very much about Sirius and James, but you, well you, I always watched closer than the others."

At this prouncement Remus' mouth dropped open with shock. After searching Dunbledore's eyes for the truth he realized that Dumbledore was speaking from his heart, it was not guilt or pity. It was purely true. Before he could even think of a reply Dumbledore nodded once as if realizing that his words had created the reaction he had been looking for and began moving toward the entrance of the alley way.

Remus jumped up and followed in his wake. Pulling his collar closer to his neck against the cold, Remus glanced sideways at Dumbledore. "Where are we going?"

Without even glancing in Remus' direction Dumbledore answered " It seems an old friend of mine has found your school ring. I am sure that in the years to come you will want to keep it to remember the good times."

After that statement he gave a very significant glance to the right.

Remus looked away slightly sheepish, and then stopped abruptly as Dumbledore had paused in front of a muggle bookshop. The windows were slightly dusty, but the inside looked warm and dry, something Remus badly needed at the moment, he was freezing. There was a large overstuffed sofa on the right surrounded by rows and rows of books. Between the aisles, chairs were placed for readers, they each had a small standing lamps next to them.

"Albus, isn't it a bit late to make a social call?"

"To some it might be, but knowing John as I do, he won't be asleep."

With that said Dumbledore knocked loudly and then there was a flurry of lights in the shop as an old man made his way through the stacks.

"Well, well, well Albus I didn't expect you tonight."

"John, sorry about the late hour, but well we were in the neighborhood and I decided to take care of this tonight."

**--Alright, this is all I have at the moment. If you like the story and want me to keep going PLEASE let me know. If you hate it and think it's total rubbish, tell me that too…just be gentle. **

**I really want to keep going….and the more you tell me you like it the more I will want to write! Thanks!-S.G.**


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